For those who are sitting, and are stressed about, exams

The funny thing about my gap year is that I'm stuck in my own little bubble away from the press of life and yet I still see it going on around me. I watch as friends get really worried about their exams, tormented by worries about whether they will pass or fail. I suppose that, removed from the frenzy, I see it more clearly. It worries me.

I spoke to one friend today, who may well read this but will remain nameless. This person is really worried about the exams they've already sat and feels that the ones they have left to sit are useless. In their mind, they have already failed. In my mind, I know this person is amazing. They're intelligent (more than they, or anyone else really, gives them credit for) and they have worked hard. Perhaps too hard. Perhaps it now matters too much to them. This person has pushed the boundaries of what people said they would be able to do. They have achieved more than people gave them credit for. They're dedicated and wonderful but they simply don't see that. They just feel that they didn't know the answers and therefore it's time to give in. 

What they don't see is that they've already won. 

Just by trying their best, by getting to where they are, they are winning. You are winning. 

If you 'fail' or don't do as well as you had hoped then there is always a way to make it better, be it a resit or a change of plan. It seems like the end of the world at the time but keep ploughing on and it will pass, it will get better, and you will succeed somehow.

And in a couple of months, those exams which are the centre of the universe right now will not matter one iota. What are they after all?

Keep strong. Keep fighting. You can conquer anything.

Besides, you don't need to pass any exams... you're wonderful just the way you are <3

An eventful few days

On Monday, after singing, I went down to Exeter to collect my exam certificates from college. It was really strange to be back in the old building, walking the same old routes, yet without one familiar face along the way. I can't say I miss college but I do miss some of the people who I met there very much.

There's something slightly anticlimactic about
holding the certificates but all the same!

I also spent most of the day yesterday in Exeter itself with my mother doing some Christmas shopping and generally lurking. First stop was John Lewis to look at a DSLR camera that I'm hoping to receive for Christmas. After a fair old while of photography with compact cameras only I've given in and decided to invest in a 'proper' camera. I'll be honest and say that I'm still not 100% happy with it but my aims are getting increasingly ambitious and I'm getting more and more frustrated with the limitations of the compact camera. Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be a camera rant!

I was especially happy to see that the Christmas Market was up and running on the Cathedral Green, especially as I had read it opened on the 1st of December! It was a lovely surprise. I was also remembered by a couple of the stall holders... I must have spent way too long there last year! It was so lovely to see people having fun together. One college aged girl walked past saying to her friends "I can't help it, I just love Christmas!" while a young boy ran up to a statue of Santa and tried to take a gift from his bag. There was an all round excitement and that is what makes Christmas so special.

I forgot to take photos at the market so have a shoddy
photo of a half eaten cake I bought there instead ;-)

When darkness fell mother and I sat down in a hastily constructed bar tent (which was blasting Michael Jackson songs) and had a glass of Glühwein each. You can blame 'Tascha for that because she was the one who started us drinking it! It was here that I logged into facebook, meaning to message 'Tascha although I never did, and found the following in my update feed:

Post by RASTABAN.

Well, that was unexpected. I write reviews here for my friends or for my own reference and never expect them to be read by anyone else, least of all the person/band I was writing about. I was so touched by what was written though and say, yet again, that this just goes to show that Rastaban are not only a band full of wonderful musicians but lovely people too. If you still haven't listened to them go and listen now!

The other thing that happened that day was on the way back to the car I stopped and chatted to a homeless gentleman. This was something I used to end up doing quite a lot in Exeter and I forgot how worthwhile it was. In the end my mother gave him some money and he gave her an origami crane that he had made. As we walked away he shouted after us: "God bless!". We'll probably never meet again but for those few minutes our lives crossed and it was beautiful.

The Day

This introduction is written when I know my grades and on results day, the rest, as you will see, was written some time in advance. This was written as a bit of a self righteous rant. I saw my friends consumed with worry and I am talking about friends who were likely to achieve and those less likely to do so, and I saw friends pushing themselves beyond where they should have pushed themselves and beyond the point of happiness. As it was, I stayed really relaxed about results, even when getting them, even if I was totally unsure about what my grades were. It's unusual for me not to get nervous about these things but I think that, as a person, I am probably in a better place than I have been in previous years and am certainly happier for it.

Now I will catapult you back to the past....

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By the time this posts I will know what my A level results are, I will know if I have got into university, I will know the basic path of the next six years of my life. No pressure then. As I write this I know none of that.

I wrote this blog post back in July because I don't like telling people, generally, my results and if I was to write this when I myself knew the tone of my writing would give it away, no doubt. If you're a friend of mine then you're more than welcome to ask me about my results... I'll possibly tell you!

Results have been playing on my mind a bit. I'm quite good at focusing myself so I've managed to put them out of my conscious thought but not completely out of mind. I guess their too important for that. I had a horrific dream in which I got my results early only to find out that I got an 'S' grade in Classics history and 'G's in everything else. I was franticly doing the maths to see if that was good enough to get me into my university of choice when I woke up. I'm going to guess it wouldn't have been!

Everyone thinks that I float through exams, grades throw themselves at me, insert similar statements here. If one more person tells me that I shouldn't worry about exams because they're easy for me and of course I'll do well I think I'm going to scream! There seems to be this idea that if you have consistently performed well you do so because you're abnormally clever and you therefore have no right to be concerned about the results at all. Everyone who wants to get somewhere in the education world is going to be concerned about their results as they are the most obvious stepping stone to the next stages. Of course they are not the only way but at this point they seem to be the be all and end all.

In all honesty, I get good grades (usually) because I work really, really hard. I started consistent revision for the summer exams in December. I do every bit of work set and catch up on work that I miss. If I didn't do this then I wouldn't get the grades I do. I can do all this and still do badly. I'm human. However, isn't it worse for me to fail, having got good grades previously, everyone saying that it's easy for me, having done all this work than for someone who does a day of revision and then moans about always doing badly?

That said, I know a couple of people who work harder than I do, who are truly inspirational in the amount of dedication they show who simply fluke their exams. I know people who get better grades than me, for sure, and who work hard to get them too. The pressure is there for everyone.... it's important to us all.

The point of this being... if someone did their best then don't undermine that. If they get good grades then don't congratulate them in a way that says that they just did it naturally and if they get 'bad' grades then remember that, through working, their grades are worth just as much in 'real life' as a good grade. If you did your best then you have passed with flying colours. I would rather get an 'E' and have worked hard to get it than get an 'A*' on a fluke....

A*s would be nice though....